How it all began!

So as I said in my previous blog I am going to start writing out how I grew up and became to have depression and ptsd. I honestly don't know where it actually began so I am going to start from the first moment that I remember being "traumatic". I was almost 5. I got up in the morning and my father was wearing his coat which was odd. He knealt down to me and told me that he made a mistake and that he had to move out. At the time I was still "daddys little girl" so obviously I was hurt. I thought it was all my fault. (later in life I learned the truth). He left that day and then it was just me and mommy. I remember having visits at my dads house on the weekends. He lived in a rooming house so it was a little studio apartment. I didn't have my own room. I didn't mind though because I got to visit him. I remember there were times when he was supposed to take me but he couldnt. I don't remember the reasons but then again I was only 5. I remember my mom and i moved into a new apartment across the street. Eventually she got a new boyfriend and things seemed good.
There are a few sparatic memories that pop up where I remember the cops coming to my house and I remember one time they wanted to arrest my mom. It was in the middle of the night and I woke up and I remember begging the police not to take my mom. I don't know if it was because of me or what but I remember they told her to keep the noise down and if they had to come back they would take her. Now that I look back it probably had something to do with her drinking. Eventually we lost the apartment and ended up moving to a motel. I was 6 or 7 at the time and it was me, her, and her boyfriend all living in this little hotel room. We were there for a couple years. I kept going on weekend visits with my dad. He was now living in an apartment with his new girlfriend (who I had known since I was 4) and her 3 kids. He got custody of me for a short time. I went to school in the town we lived in for i think 3 days and then one day the priniciple called me to the office. When I went down there my mom was sitting there and she told me that I was going to go live back with her. I don't remember much from these years but those are some key things that I do remember. I was 7 when that happened. Eventually my mom and her husband divorced and we ended up staying with a friend. I loved that. My moms friends daughter was the same age as me and we got along great. It was like I had a sister! My mom starting dating someone new, he seemed nice. I remember one night he brought me and my mom and my friend all out to the movies, we went to see Jungle to Jungle. We were the only ones in the theater that night which was pretty cool. My mom eventually decided to take her relationship with him to the next level so we moved in with him. That is when the cycle that defined who I am today really started. That will come in the next blog.